i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
