Need sex. Gaining weight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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