did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
