Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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