my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
