Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I supernannyed him into submission
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
