Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
