Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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