okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
