So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
