we're blogging at a bar
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
