areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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