Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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