If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
