I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
