the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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