Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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