Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
