Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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