Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
