he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
