I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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