There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
