I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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