I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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