you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
