It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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