He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
