This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
