Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
