we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
