Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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