I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if only i could text you this smell
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to cum in my sink.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
