I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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