We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
