I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's the barista slut.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
