i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
