Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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