She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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