Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
