You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
