If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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