and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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