maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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