I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
