We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Still dying that you shit outside
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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