So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
