What a fucking waste of an outfit
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
