There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
