answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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