apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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