I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
