Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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