She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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