How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best revenge is premature balding
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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