I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
