my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
