i think my tv is drunk
I look better un-naked...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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