she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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