you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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