Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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