im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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