the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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