Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
