Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
