I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
