Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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