I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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