I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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