Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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