belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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