I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
