He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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