somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
