I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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