Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He? As in you personified your dick?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
