you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
